Period.

Last week my six year old daughter and I visited my hometown, Toronto. I spent time with family and friends and we had a blast.

The trip was a lot. I see my mother maybe twice a year if I'm lucky. Babushka is hands-on 10 days out of the year, max. My father is mostly hands off except for a kiss and hug and a "you're a beautiful girl"to my daughter when we see him during my once-a-year-visit. I've lived in Utah for 20 years and he's never come to visit me and my kids. He didn't come to my wedding because he was uncomfortable seeing my mother who he's been divorced from for 30 years.

So dumb. He's strange. Oh well.

Ayahuasca and Psilocybin has helped me tremendously to cultivate a good relationship with my parents.

Our parents were our vessels, love it or not. We chose them.

When we got home my daughter went with her Dad and I went straight to the radio station to do my show 'Psychedelic Love Talk'. I got there just in time and had a really great show. Did you by chance happen to tune in?

I got home around 1am and went to sleep at 2:30. My sleep quality was shit and I had to be at work by 9am. The Moonday nearly killed me. When I got home I was hit with a massive head-ache. The kind where you're in the fetal position and reaching for Advil every hour on the hour wondering when it would kick in.

I layed in bed, napped, and watched a show while I rubbed my head and cried a lot of tears. Like torrential crying. All my emotions were flooding me non-stop and I could do nothing except accept. My heart felt like it weighed a million tons, and I could get no relief. I begged the heavens to release my pains grasp on me.

Once I realized that it might be like this for a while, I gave up trying to control my emotions by deep breathing and mindfulness exercises, but I couldn't focus on my practice because I felt physically terrible.

I was "going through it".

In Shamanic practices, we know how debilitating pain is on the body and mind, and that pain can seep into crevices that have been neglected and which can ignite the spark of painful emotions. Not being able to feel good causes us to recoil from life. Pain is hard to hide, and when you're in pain the adult tendency is to seek solitude.

So I balled and balled and balled and watched a show that made me ball even more and wondered how it's humanely possible to contain so many tears. Like where do they even come from? The soul you say?

Just when I thought I couldn't take any more my sun called me from his vacation in Kelowna, BC (where he was with his brother and my good friends) to share something important with me. This was the first time my eldest old sun has ever called me for help, advice, or guidance.

I answered the phone as though I were dying and at first he was alarmed at my tone. I'm usually quite bubbly and smiley. Then he laid it on me. I'll share everything about that call on my show this Sunday night at 10pm kuaafm.org (MST)

We were so deep in conversation that I didn't notice my headache drift away. By the time we got off the phone I was filled with a peace I can't describe. He has that affect. Motherhood was manifested in a way I had never experienced before. It was a turning point in my life and in my relationship with my sun.

He healed me, and I helped him. I begged the divine for an angel to take my pain away, and my sun was sent by divine design and mindful request. The Universe was Universing.

I fell asleep peacefully, woke up early the next morning, wrote and then went to work. I cried on my way to work, but felt lighter and freer. Space had opened.

That night (tuesday) I went to sleep at 8:30pm and woke up at the divine hour (4am on Wednesday) to write. It was my suns first day at school as a sophomore and University freshman (the U), and there was a lot of excitement in the air. They came home from their holiday to start their school-year and wow so many big changes for my family to process.

Later that morning I got my period, and everything began to make sense. You see, I have an IUD, which means that periods are erratic and come every some months or so. I wasn't expecting the whore-moans to hit me like they did. My period is hard to plan around, because of the device that saves me from getting pregnant.

Ladies, plan we must!

My worst fear is getting pregnant and have you noticed the political climate around women's health care needs? Yeah. It's crazy. I cannot believe the ignorance and dominance over women's health needs.

Sacrilege.

Jewish women go to what is called a Mikvah. It is a pool of natural water in which one bathes for the restoration of ritual purity, usually called for during a womban's time with her menses. It's a Spiritual and Physical spa day to cleanse and be with oneself. Older and foreign cultures had Red Tents, where women gathered to rest, cleanse, and restore themselves during this deep decent into their bodies.

We have no such things in the modern world anymore. Culturally sanctioned areas for women to do their "business" are non-existent. It blows my mind that womban have to go to work during these times. I could barely care for myself during my pre-menstrual time. I was in complete agony. I know many women who experience painful periods, and the least our fucking government can do is let doctors perform life-saving procedures for women who need a certain type of care.

That's why I think it's strange that men are in obstetrics or gynecology. Like what business do you have delivering babies and poking in vaginas? There are things you can't learn in a book.

But what do I know, I'm just a woman. Ugh!

There are some laws that need dismantling. What physically natural labors do men have that the government seeks to control? Someone answer this question for me.

I'm so tired of the way women's lives are treated in America. I'm so fed up with hearing horror stories about women being denied humane rights. Who's in charge? Who cares?

My point is that whore-moans rule our lives, but the playing field for men and women are vastly different in regards to how we see them manifested and how we tolerate their affects.

When a man engages in lots of sex with multiple women he is considered a stud by his peers. While when women use their sexuality for pleasure and abundance she is considered a whore. When a woman is going through her pre-menstrual time society calls it a syndrome and blocks her from taking the time she needs to restore herself, because of equality and all. I think women have worked so hard to gain equal footing in the world, yet we are not equal in nature. Women perform a blood sacrifice each month in order to birth new generations of our species on this planet. It's hard work living in a woman's body.

I have given birth three times in my life and have had two abortions. It's all messy and uncomfortable, yet this is our work as women.

Because we live in a world that is governed by mostly men, there is a big mis-understanding of what a woman needs in order to be healthy and how to care for body. And if women's health isn't prioritized our culture, and society at large, will suffer.

Women seem to have a taste for suffering. But it wasn't always this way.

Because over one hundred million indigenous people were murdered across the America's we have created a society that is severely mis-informed as to the rights of the feminine and nature in general. The stealing of lands, the manipulation to gain resources at any cost, due to politics and religion, has created a culture that fosters indifference and contempt towards the population of people who are responsible for cultivating and giving life. Without a man's seed, there would be no life, but without the vessel that brings life forth, we would cease to exist.

Because we live in a male dominated world where the values are steeped in the accumulation of wealth and power at any cost, the tenderest aspects of our existence are overlooked and sometimes denied.

The loudest and most violent players get all the attention while the tender and vulnerable ones go unnoticed. It's not in a woman's nature to use violence as a means to win. Women win by using their intuition, reason, love and logic. Yet no woman I know puts those qualities on her resumé.

In order for women to "compete" in the rat race of modern life, they have to abandon their feminine ways of being and instead they must try to fit the mold their masculine counterparts have stewarded. But it's unnatural for us women to work the way men do.

Working and caring for others while we are on our menses feels impossible, yet I know many women who do just that. The impossible. Somehow women make it possible, and they play "nice" while doing so. Yuck,

I'm not nice. I'm for real. I don't sugarcoat. I don't mince words, unless I'm afraid. Then I tippy-toe, which costs me my dignity, but I'd rather be alive and restore my dignity later than to face a torrent of demonic projections. I'm afraid more than I'd like to admit. I'm afraid to walk at night alone in some areas. I'm afraid to intercede when I see abuse, although it hasn't stopped me from crying out and making demands for the abuse to stop. I stifle my fear with the urges of my heart.

Being honest about the way I see things is unpopular, because many people are misinformed about what they truly value and I seem to disturb some parts of people who would rather hold onto their misguided beliefs. I don't blame them because ignorance equals innocence, until the point where their beliefs contradict a higher truth.

I wasn't placed on this earth to seek popularity. I was placed on this earth to form connections. It's simple for me. I've matured to the point where I know which battles to fight and which to let go of. Battles might be the wrong word, although in a world that values war, it seems appropriate.

And since I'm an Aries, I was born to be a warrior. I don't want to fight people though, I want to tenderize their false beliefs so that they align with what is true in the deepest part of their hearts.

Sometimes this process can feel like a battle.

In any case, as a witchy-woman it's my duty to stand up for injustice as it pertains to the feminine, in ways that speak to everyone's highest being-ness. I do not wish to condemn anyone, except for the institutions that were created to destroy our natural world and the preciousness of life that it seeks to abominate.

Witches are wise-ones, derived from the latin word maga or mage (a magician or learned person). Witches were burned at the stake because they saw the destruction the church and state was causing in the natural world and because they employed their wits to do something about it using their innate power of super-natural knowledge and they were crucified. Before modern fairy tales took hold of our consciousness, witches were viewed as God-mother's. This was before the church distorted the stories.

Women's sufferage goes very deep for reasons based in corruption.

In conclusion, I'd like you, dear reader to consider using your voice to remedy the situation that we are facing this present day in terms of genocidal warfare that occurs within and without.

The place to start is by asking vital questions.

Who deserves care?

What will it cost?

What will the affect be if care is given?

Who is making the rules?

What are their qualifications?

What are their motivations?

Who is making the weapons?

Who benefits from them?

Who is using them?

What good do they do?

Thank you for your time and attention.

Together, let's do better.

You are welcome to tune into the my show this Sunday night if you wish.

There you can feel the vibration of my voice and the resonance of my words to a deeper degree (plus the tunes are fire!)

Psychedelic Love Talk - The Show

99.9fm kuaafm.org

Sunday Night's @ 10pm (MST)

May the force be with you,

Mother Marian xo