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What is a healing process?

We live in a brutal world, filled with illusion.

When I drive down the street and look at all the pretty homes with the nice-looking people tending to their gardens or walking their dogs, I would never know or guess that people are suffering.

But they are.


When I came to the medicine, my teachers told me about the explicit dangers within American Society and culture, the most obvious challenge being the quality of food and the dangers of media.

Last night I walked in on a friend watching Game Of Thrones and it made me physically sick in zero minus 5 seconds.

I don't watch violence. I can feel my guts turn, and my spirit shudder.

How can people willingly watch humans hurt one-another in the name of power and wealth?


It's all too common, and people have become desensitized by violence, so much so that they even find it entertaining. Some will say "it's a part of history!", others will say "it's just the way it is", or "it's not real". And this is the problem.


It's shameful to depict violence, rape, and war for entertainment. But that's what people want to see, I guess, at least they can feel something.


I spent many years in partnership with a man who suffered from depression. When we met I didn't know what depression was. Over the years I began to see it clearer, and began thinking that I was the problem. When he would go into his spells I would tell my mother or close friends that he'd "gone dark" again. Caring for someone who has a mental illness is hard. Because it's not like a broken leg that you can see is hurting, and will one day be repaired. It's a spell that puts the person you care about into an emotionally comatose state, causing a numbness of feeling. There was nothing I could do to help. He wouldn't admit to himself that he had a problem, and instead projected and pointed his cause of pain on external circumstances, constantly making excuses. It was exhausting. I'm a fool for love, so I "stuck" around for far too long not wanting to abandon him in his time of need, and as a result, I abandoned myself and my needs.

Who can relate?


What this looked like was he would watch tv for hours and hours and sleep all the time, and be unmotivated to engage with our kids or do anything at all. It was horrible. He still suffers from it today. He's drank medicine and gone to meditation retreats, and does yoga - all that, but the illness still plagues him. He still doesn't want to admit that he has a problem. So he can't be helped.


At some point I realized that if I was going to choose this man, then I would have to deal with lifelong depression. And I decided to choose not to, because if a man or woman is not going to help themselves, then no one can help them. I'm not a savior, but I will help if I'm asked, or if I can.


My point is that healing is a process that happens when we get to know ourselves. When we can look deep and through what we're holding and say "ah, yes, I see what the problem is. I know what I must do" and then do it. It takes courage to notice, acknowledge and honor what is true. It's heroic to take action on what we see.


What we need during this process are mentors and friends who have walked the walk, and came out on the other end whole, fully open and loving towards themselves and others. In a world filled with hate and division, loving oneself is radical. Because, the war we see in the external world is a reflection of the wars that take place within each of us, usually relating to feelings of self-doubt and/or worthlessness.


When my children were small, I remember their depressed father telling them that they were worthless for not doing x,y,z, of course it was the depression talking. And of course I was mortified. When I came to La Medicina, the Madré told me that my man was no good for me, but it took me years to integrate what that meant. It took me years to finally have the courage and strength to let go and move on. It's taken me years of healing to undo the damage that was done for caring and living with someone who suffered from a heinous demon living within his psyche.


I think that depressed people need to find eachother, because two negatives equal a positive. And I also believe that positive people should be together because it's essential for their overall health. The problem is that negative people naturally gravitate towards positive people in order to lift their spirits, and that may cause a depletion of vital life force energy in the positive person. Science and math prove that when negative and positive get together, it turns negative. It's science. Now that I know what I know I can help people who are suffering to make sense of their state, and cause them to ponder the source of their malaise. When navigating relationships in my own life, I have learned to recognize the traps and signals that cause my body to go "this is a no-fly zone". It's extremely nuanced.


My work is to transform minds, and therefore lives, so that satisfaction can be reached. So that depression is recognized for what it is; living in the past and not loving the self.


Learning to love yourself is essential. When you learn to love yourself, and therefore know your value and worth, everything changes. It's healing. Healing happens when you can be honest with yourself, which is not easy, but a requirement for growth and evolution. In a world that projects relentless negative messaging, you can see how it can be hard to see into the essence of your self. In a world where toxic ingredients are placed in our food supply, and pollute the body, and therefore the mind, you can see why people are in a perpetual state of confusion. Our leadership makes shady deals for the almighty dollar, and projects a constant barrage of misinformation and fear-mongering. Our society is sick.


Mother nature has the cure.


When a person does the work to heal, because they recognize that they are sick, they become the seed that grows into a tree that the birds can take refuge in. It's a beautiful process.


The truth is that healing never ends. Once you heal yourself from the relationships, mindsets, and environments that have caused sickness, you can begin to see your efficacy take place in real time within the world. It causes confidence and induces strength. If you are suffering in any way, it is a signal from your spirit to abandon and take responsibility for anything that brings you down.


I have seen how the obsession with convenience has led people to deny their deep knowing and truth. For instance, I work with a woman who was in a relationship with a man that verbally, emotionally, and yes, physically abused her. Her stories are frightening. Over 14 years time he managed to whittle down her self-worth and esteem to almost nothing. He constantly criticizing her, used manipulation tactics in order to bring her down to his level. At first the courting stage was wonderful, she says. For two years he played the part, wore the mask. But when his feeling for security within the relationship was reached, it all began to turn negative. Many years later she found herself ostracized by her family and friends and began to notice him berating their young daughter. When friends did come around he was a completely different person, and she felt as though she was living with an imposter. It took her years of questioning whether or not the problem was her, as is the case in most domestic abuse victims, and it wasn't until she came across his obsession with pornography and prostitutes did she realize that she was with a man who was a compulsive liar. She was so busy trying to be everything for him and her daughter, that she denied her own feelings and reality. The convenience of staying with what she knew drove her to abandon doing the hard thing. But she did it. She overcame and is still dealing with the aftermath of standing in her power. He attempted to defame her, prosecuted her with lawyers who attempted to take her daughter from her when she chose to leave, and stripped her of all the finances he could that would allow her to gain her own footing in the world.


I know her story very well, and that is why the Universe sent her to me. I had undergone a similar process myself, and learned how to heal, so that I could truly live. And that is what I ask her to do. I provide her with teachings that ignite the memory of her good, generous and kind nature, while also teaching her how to recognize the traps of abandoning her instinctual nature and intuition. It's a healing process. One that requires taking radical responsibility, while not falling into victim mode. I provide her with my strength, soul-full nourishment, and guidance, so that she can reclaim herself well, thereby healing her life and giving her the sustenance she needs to change course so that her daughter doesn't fall into the same traps.


When a person heals, so does everyone in their vortex.


The only thing that matters in life is the sharing of love. It's fundamental. It's why we're here. If you are not surrounded by loving and warm people in your life, you are in the wrong environments. If you live with screen spores who gobble up their dinner only to return to their screens, you are living a marginal life.


Embarking on the healing process will expand your life, bring balance into your reality, and have you stop questioning whether you are on the right path or not.


What I have found is that people who are willing to invest their time, energy and resources into becoming a better person, for their own sake, are humbled by the process and in that they become holy, they become a safe place.

And we need more safe places and spaces.


Namasté safe,

Marian xo

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