By the time I was 15 years old I looked like I was built for sex. I stood 5'3" 130lbs with an itty-bitty waist and DD breasts with hips that matched my breasts circumference. My hourglass shape got me most of whatever I wanted where work and play was concerned. I consciously knew that my shape gave me power. And the cost of this power was extremely high and sometimes put me in dangerous situations. Because I felt safe in my hometown (Toronto), I could wear whatever I wanted to while feeling free and fashionable, which naturally attracted lots of attention. I worked in bars, gyms and nightclubs, so it was appropriate for the occasion.
I am (was) formidable, so what other people think, want, desire, has no affect on me, unless I want or allow it to, except for those few times when I was overpowered physically by young men with weapons. I knew how to yield my powers of seduction well, and I paid the price for it in both positive and negative ways. In the eyes of the divine, balance must be present in order to have peace within and without.
Because, with great power comes great responsibility.
Sex has the potential to create love and compassion, and it also has the potential to create lots of pain and karma. In this life our goal is to dissolve as much karma as possible, in order to exercise our Dharma, our purpose (to end suffering on some level). But us humans love to have sexy-time, we're built for it, and yet we are faced with a major conundrum because of this evolutionary urge to co-create. We can't help it!
Or can we?
I can see why in some Islamic countries womben are forcibly ordered to cover up, yet its odd that while I believe this attempt is to protect womben from lustful stares and urges, it causes an extremely unnatural consequence; subconsious shame about the feminine body. In some Islamic countries womben are forbidden to go to school. And why do you think that is? This patriarchal world doesn't want womben thinking for themselves. And can't you tell? Look at the state of the world.
Free will was given to us all. And we have no right to anothers choice in how they would like to live. That is an abuse of power. So, the patriarchy uses sex and power against the weaker (but smarter in my opinion) sex, in an attempt to control. Disgusting. Sometimes I think that the world is dominated by people who practice blood sacrifice. I wonder who spills more blood? Womben during their menses? Or all the men fighting and killing eachother in the name of God and land in wars? Could be debatable. If we didn't hide our periods with pills, IUD's and tampons and just bled all over the place, maybe we would have less war. Maybe our blood is enough sacrifice. Who do I talk to about this? Hell, we don't even get time off work to care for our bodies when they're bleeding. We just try to pretend it isn't happening, take the advils, soak in epsom bath, and just be glad that we have it because it means we're not pregnant, (again).
My most progressive friends back home in Canada had their parents make sure they were on birthcontrol at the first sight of a period. No one knew what was in those pills, all we knew is that it kept parenthood at bay. Because you have to be legit crazy to have kids. They are hard and expensive, and oh wow do they pull on those heart strings. Raising kids without a partner and/or extended family? You must be crazy.
The nurses at my highschool school dished out condoms and pills to anyone who asked for $5/month and everyone was free to have as much sex as they wanted. Hospitals were there to help handle abortions and if someone abused the privilege they were warned that the next time they came they would get their tubes tied. The threat always sobered up the ones who were relying on abortion as a means of birth control. Canada didn't try to pretend that sex among teenagers wasn't happening. How dumb would that be? Officials were realistic about the nature of hormones, youth, and poor decision making and didn't leave educating them about their bodies to their parents. Thank God because my parents didn't have a single sex talk with me when I was a teen. I learned everything, plain as day, from school, my teachers, PBS, and experience.
I didn't grow up with any extreme fundamentalist dogmas or personal restrictions, and yet deep down I always felt that sex was sacred. My parents never projected their beliefs or opinions onto me - I was free to choose my own path using my own intuition, and sometimes my intuition didn't work because I ended up with characters that didn't suit me well at all, who gave me STD's, and/or who got me pregnant because they never bothered to ask if I was on the "pill" and I didn't really realize that men aren't always in control of their ejaculation. BIG WHOOPS! Therefore abortion can be viewed as both a mens and wombens issue.
Nevertheless, during my youth and well into my 20's I kept a recorded journal of every man I went to "bed" with and jotted down the significant moments, physical attributes, thoughtful expressions of intimacy that I particularly liked.
For posterity.
What I reflect upon is the IMPORTANCE of feeling comfortable enough with someone that you can relax into a pleasurable state, knowing that you are cared about. Even loved. If I could give every girl on this Earth a sex education lesson it would be simple. Make sure the person you share your body with adores you and would protect you from harm, and is generous with you both in the material sense, but especially the Spiritual sense. And above all else, make sure that you know that they would be there to help you raise a baby if/and/or when that might occur. Young Womben need to know that their hearts are very much tied to their pussy's.
That is unless, they were exposed to rape or sexual abuse as children.
If that's the case then it gets much more complicated.
I can't believe what's happening in the world in the name of the Lord. People are doing all sorts of crazy things and no one seems to know what to do about it. These extremists seem really scary to me. I can actually feel the horror through what I am hearing from the people I know that live in the middle east. I have a friend who went to the funeral of someone who was killed at the music festival on Oct 7th. Targeting music festivals? You've got to be kidding me. Those terrorists really know how to terrorize.
The other day someone I used to work with texted me to say that "GOD" told him to reach out to me. No bro, don't use GOD as a means of reasoning. That's what these jihadists are saying. That their creator is telling them to murder Jews and Americans. Am I supposed to believe that the God who created us seeks to destroy only some of us? Dumb. I don't buy it. That's not supreme consciousness talking. That's all eGo. This is where religion and government have gone mad. They've mixed the bag and we're all suffering for it. You know what can be worshipped, is both fair and beautiful, and supports all of life? You are sitting in the temple now. EARTH!
Is this what the world has come to? Terrorists bombed NYC and we forgot about what terrorist organizations can do to people. They terrorize! Which is traumatizing. Westerners have trauma on their tongues like its candy, meanwhile people are literally dying in the streets and most Spiritual gurus aren't even talking about. They're talking some bologny about being above it all in your vibration and frequency, and how that repels lower vibrations. That might be true in some form, but what's happening in the backyard of our neighbors WILL cause some discomfort when life and death are sitting on their doorstep. No one is safe until everyone is. As an awakened womban, I see the limitations of my peers in ways that undermine the necessity of progress for evolutionary change, and thinking that we are above our neighbors problems proves that we have not learned from our dear brother Jesus.
There are parts of the world where there is such brutality towards women by men with strength, ammunition and official power, I continually ask myself how can this be and what I can do? By what decree have people lost the ability to communicate an abuse of power AND seek to find ways to liberate the ones who are experiencing tremendous suffering at the hands of madmen? If someone tells me that there is a spiritual or religious doctrine that states its ok to take the lives of innocent people, at any cost, than I'm going back to Mars.
This is the problem; some people want want they want, and they won't stop until they get. And if you don't do it their way, you cease to exist by the will of the almighty, but at the hands of a mortal. Toddlers operate this way. But by the time a toddler goes to Kindergarten they learn some very important Spiritual Tenets; do no harm. Do not do unto others what you would not like to have done to yourself. Share. Communicate with words, not with anger. Tell a teacher when you cannot handle something.
Everyone needs a good revisit to Kindergarten. Lucky for me I'm immersed in it. It's my favorite school year. Everything we learn after Kindergarten is superfluous.
In a world filled with weapons and eGo's, us ladies take big chances at raising our babies ... at 18 kids are being solicited to enter the army-war-machine and lured with pay and free education. No fucking way, you dirty bastards. Not with my kids, and not on my watch!
There are no words in all the languages combined to explain the process of pregnancy, birth and lactation to someone who has never gone through it, but they can lay witness. We are known as the weaker sex, in strength, but I tell you I've given birth naturally and I think that makes me pretty and strong af. In fact, one time I was naked wrestling with a lover (6ft 190 lbs), and I pinned him, and he knew it, but later said that he let me win. I can't even.
The world is messed because of things like rape. The fact that that it exists as a weapon of war, makes us more barbaric than the average chimp. I don't think chimps even do that to eachother. They sling shit though... humans are great at that. I've been traumatized by rape and it haunts me in the weirdest ways. Sometimes I'll say something completely out of blue relating to it. Sometimes during intimate exchanges.
It is not a kink.
Trauma is weird like that. Memories and perceptions just slip off the tongue, and sometimes make little sense, as if the thoughts were coming from a dream.
Talk to your suns and daughters. Heal yourselves and your relations so that we can start making real change in the world by way of illuminating ideas and progressive acts that will unify. We won't change minds that are not open to changing, but we can attune to and raise a collective vibration and frequency that will help to uplift the consciousness of the planet. That is possible. The guru's are right in affirming the importance of staying grounded and aligned in your own energy field, but this is where the feminine and masculine nature's are different. As an awakened womban I feel for the womben in the world who are suffering. I can't help it. The medicine shows me what is happening in ways that are incomprehensible to the human mind that is based in eGo. Within the medicinal space, the eGo is muted, so you can feel and attune to truth in a way where there are no sides, only tremendous compassion towards ignorance and the desire to make change in ways that are necessary.
The more medicine I do, the more I realize that war can no longer be a thing. My work in this life is to find ways to create/talk/share important things that provide illumination in a way that is impactful for human good. The more people that can come to the medicine, and do their personal healing work, the quicker we can come out of these dark times.
All of my sisters in this world deserve to feel safe. Not worrying about getting hurt for selfish or political or geographical reasons is our inheiritance as womben.
It is an honor to be a womban.
Using sex as power over another is a form of toxic manipulation.
Using sex to share love, fuel intimacy, and be a double occupied power-house in the world?
Now we're talking!
Womben don't have the strength to fight the fight, because we're busy bleeding, recovering, raising, educating, serving, birthing, teaching, handholding so many vulnerable little people. If the awakened men of this world would band together with their brethren to speak out again violence and stand firm in protecting their families by being an example of peace, dignity, and self-respect (and express what that actually looks like), then maybe there will be a massive shift in consciousness. If we can, for one second, stop thinking about the money, and instead think about each other's safety and prosperity, than we can fold time and save ourselves AND our children from being faced with a genocidal future.
We must understand the nature between sex and power, and use our consciousness to use both for good.
"This land is your land, this land is my land, from California to the New York islands,
From a place in Kiev, to the land in Bethlaham, this land was made for you and me."
Namasté
Marian
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