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Radical Change:

I've been praying for radical change in my life.

For a while, I was feeling stuck in patterns and habits that I knew wouldn't bring long-term satisfaction and that I could feel were blocking me from my highest potential.

So, several weeks ago I decided to do something crazy - I decided to quit smoking tobacco to cause a ripple effect of change, intentionally.

It has been hard.

But I can do hard things. We all can.

Since I quit smoking (I've taken a break from marijuana too to double down on my austerities), I've noticed some remarkable things:

  1. I have much more energy.

  2. I have more patience.

  3. I have more capacity to love and learn with my kids

  4. I'm making/folding time in meditation

  5. I feel more love for my self

  6. I feel clear, clean and whole


My parents both smoked when I was a kid (my father quit 25 years ago, my mother still smokes). I had my first cigarette when I was 13, and continued a relationship with tobacco on and off since then.

When I moved to Utah in 2004, I was free from tobacco and remained free until 2016. I got back into it when I was introduced to Mapacho medicine - organic tobacco grown in south america for ceremonial purposes. I gave myself a clear pass for the sake of my work in the shamanic field, but I was smoking a lot more than I was using in ceremony. I'll admit.


My best friend quit smoking about 8 weeks ago and her will-power set mine into motion.

Friendship is one of the best parts of life!

There have been times in the past few weeks where I have been torn apart by the pull of the plant. Breaking free of an addiction is very challenging, but I believe the hardest part is the time between making the decision and 3-4 days into it. It requires creating new habits and patterns, which is what I really want in my life.


I'm working with a Psychedelic client who's body has been addicted to anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and ADHD medication for the past 20 years. He's been detoxing, with my help, for the past 3 weeks. There was a point during the process where he felt that he was going to die (dark night of the soul), but he persisted in his goal, which was to find out who he truly was, sans prescription medications.

It has not been easy for him, BUT it has been worth it. I love being a part of his self-discovery journey.

It's gorgeous. I'll share more about his story as time unfolds.


My point is that most of us have something we know we've got to put down. The devil on our shoulder gives us just the right amount of justification to keep the samsara going. Guilt and regret are hard, but necessary teachers.


In my personal life, I'm finding that I'm most attracted to people who have self-discipline, which allows them to tap into a source of power that I can sense, and it turns me on. I think the byproduct of this strength is having healthy boundaries. The word boundary gets tossed around a lot these daze, but there is something to be said about people who love themselves enough that they naturally have them. There's no need to talk about them, they just exist, and their life reflects it.


Ayahuasca is THE divine teacher of discipline. People who come to Grandmother medicine are given the opportunity/ability to master self-discipline (during the ceremonial process) and if the heart is purified it becomes more than a healing experience, it is a holy experience. There's no way for me to describe the process, it can only be experienced. And I wish that for you.


If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read.


I've invited an Ayahuascara from Hawaii to help facilitate a ceremonial process during the last weekend of March. The festivities will take place at one of my favorite spots, where the nature is exquisite.


We will celebrate Good Friday, Easter Sunday and April Fools Day (my birthday) in divine style.


If you are interested in joining, please respond to this email or call/text me @801.580.2705


You can call this a retreat, but what it really is is an opportunity to expand and invite positively radical change into your life in the ways that you need or wish to intend. I will support you through the process by helping you in all the ways that you need, and by also connecting you to people who will become your soul family. If this sounds like your jam, please inquire further or pass along the message to anyone who you believe may need to have this type of experience in their lives.


I hear a lot about people who go into the jungle to drink Ayahuasca at expensive retreats. They come home with the memories of the experience, but are unsupported in their efforts to make manifest or integrate what they learned from their time in divination. They spend a lot of money, make many efforts, but have no lasting effects, which is tragic. At some point, when there is enough interest, I intend on organizing a group that will have a jungle medicine experience - we will be go as a community. That way we will have eachother to lean on when our lives manifest what we spiritually received from the Madré. But for now, let's keep it local and have the la medicina come to us:)


I hope to hear from you very soon.

Space is limited, so that the experience can be intimate.


Sending warm hugs,

Marian xo












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