A while back I was in a deep discussion with a friend about wanting to change my environment. I remember telling her that the city, state, country I was living in didn't suit my temperament and if only I could live in a place that was more aligned with my values could I have a chance at living the kind of life that was better suited for me.
And I'll never forget what she said "Marian, no matter where you go, there you are".
Her wisdom cut straight through my illusion.
She was right.
I went in my search for "my happy place" anyways, because I had to learn that lesson for myself. Some things we need to experience for ourselves in order to integrate the teachings they provide.
In my search I found that my perceptions changed in every moment while trying to validate my urge for change. Nothing seemed concrete. I couldn't rest in my observations or perceptions for very long.
After many months of exploring various places and spaces, I realized that I was running away from all my problems. I thought that if I changed my "home" I could finally feel at home.
Many years later, I know that home is wherever you are in this moment. It isn't a place or a person.
Home is feeling safe and secure within our heavenly bodies.
Our problems or challenges are a symptom of feeling uncomfortable with where we are in our own development. At some point in life, if we take a closer look at our habits, patterns, and tendencies, we will notice that there is something to know. Not something to do, but something to know.
At the root of it all is taking responsibility for the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of ourselves.
It's heroic work, and very necessary.
The "only if" saga's that play around in our minds are a sure sign that the eGo is hard at work.
The eGo likes us to live in the past, rely on others for comfort and support before finding it for ourselves, and dampens our ability to take rightful, courageous action in our own lives. The eGo is designed to have us question anything that lies beyond the known. That is its nature. There is no getting around its role.
It is always there yanking on the hem of our pants or tying our shoelaces together just as we are ready to take that necessary step.
The eGo is a nuisance, to put it plainly, especially if you are a person with great aspirations.
Every time you begin to assert yourself it will have you question your worth and worthiness. Every time you meet an obstacle it will validate your fear and confusion by projecting negativity and past mistakes onto your mind in the present, robbing you of spiritual sustenance to move on ahead with conviction in your aspirational plans despite its destructive messaging.
This is why being spiritually attuned and embodied is a matter of life and death. Because when you are attuned to your spirit, you see what is going on behind the scenes. You can see how the eGo pulls the strings of your thoughts and actions.
Why is being spiritually attuned a matter of life and death? Well, because there are many smart and wise people in this world who see and know what is going on and are too afraid to step out of the shadows to say their peace, to raise their voice, to teach what they know, to demand change.
The eGo seeks ease, comfort and complacency. It's meant to keep you "safe" by causing you to stew in the familiar brew of certainty. But while many people in this world face actual threat and danger to their lives, creating a strategy where the alleviation of suffering is necessary will ask us to stretch beyond our own comforts in order to cause a movement that would threaten the status quo.
Last week on my radio show 'Psychedelic Love Talk' I openly shared my feelings about being a Jewish person in the world today and what it's like to feel as though people hate people for reasons they are ignorant about. When is there ever a good reason to hate?
I was scared to share my thoughts on-air, but I did it anyways. The stories must be told, if we hope for anything to change for the better.
If it's true that no matter where I go, there I am, then I'd like to ensure that my physical, mental and emotional safety is taken into consideration when I'm making decisions. I would rather not be a target of racism if I can help it, but how do I share my message about hate and it's origins without disclosing what I know and how I know it?
Right now I'm in the place of my birth, Toronto, Canada. My family tells me about the hate Jews are facing. And like wow, what is wrong with people? Don't people know that everyone reserves the right to exist? Don't people know that they are not their governments?
For example, 99.9% of Jewish and Muslim people are not killing each other. They are busy raising their kids and making ends meet. The portion of people who are killing are extremely misguided.
And just to provide some herstorical reference for anyone who is confused amidst the propaganda machine spewing its hate and misinformation I'd like you to know that Jewish people are not colonizers. They are among the original peoples of the land formerly known as Judea. Judea (modern day Palestine/Israel) was a land mass that was home to the 12 tribes of Israel. Judaism came before Christianity and Islam. Do the math.
Jews returned to their lands and made an oasis in the desert. Jews are smart, matriarchal in nature, and are very industrious. What is wrong with that? Ask the people who live in lack.
Jews are not superior to anyone, nor are they inferior.
They are deeply connected to their roots. They value life, highly! Is that the cause of all the hate?
There are very few Jews left in this world, relatively speaking, due to unfathomable atrocities. People tend to hate and condemn what they don't understand. The politicians know that the Muslim population is much greater in numbers than the Jewish population and so they appeal to that audience, despite the fact that a terrorist organization is leading a country that is making many headlines these daze. An organization that has been raping and torturing men, women and children now for so many months I feel dizzy trying to remember the actual time. Yet, ignorant people are waving flags asking for this nation to be freed. But freed from whom? Their own oppressors? That's what people need to be calling for.
Does anyone remember 911? Same people, different name. These groups think that women are less than and treat them like property, like slaves. These groups think that American culture, with its equal rights and all, is an abomination. Women driving? Getting educated? Unacceptable!
I don't claim to know all the details, but I know the original stories. Not from textbooks, but from real-lived experiences. There's a big difference. Before you form any opinions find and dialogue with the people Who Know. Start asking questions.
Maybe one day African Americans will want to return to their original homelands in Africa and I pray that they are not known as colonizers, should they wish to do so. Can you imagine what can happen if everyone who came from somewhere else returned to their roots?
White North Americans could go back to Europe and The First Peoples could reclaim their lands before greed and corruption soiled their territories. They didn't know greed or corruption, so when it found them they were blind to see it - God Bless All Their Souls.
Of course that'll never happen. But what can happen is that people can start waking up to the luxuries they are bathing in, the kind that sicken their resolve to give a damn about more than themselves.
We can all wake up a little more by asking the questions that need answering. We may not get the answers right away, but the Universe being what it is, is designed to provide us with what we ask of it.
And that! my friends is the way to Spiritual Victory!
Ask the questions and do the things that will cause your eGo to shudder. The courage it takes to overcome the urges of the eGo are worth its weight in gold.
As I write this I have a smile on my face, because I am doing the thing that makes me uncomfortable... and I'm doing it anyways. And so can you.
Namasté Home,
Marian xo
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