There are few, if any, cultural or societal proscriptions as to embodying our inherent wild and instinctual natures. Many people become "screen-spores" in an effort to nullify the deep yearning that comes from living a small and dis-embodied life, when in reality all the soul wants is to be free to engage with the dance of life with gusto.
If you were the "ugly duckling" or the exiled one in your familial relations you may feel as though there is no place where you belong. Living awake, and thus being a soul-full being, will undoubtedly mean that at many points in your life you will be outed, misunderstood, criticized, neglected, and sadly, rejected.
Although this is extremely painful, it is not the truth in terms of objective reality. The truth is you may have not yet found your tribe, your soul-family. So there must be hope yet that remains, because deep down in your bones you know that this is true.
To remedy this soul-yearning, one must let go of all the attachments one has to consistency and comfort and instead find the eagerness and grit to search for one's soul family. It is a matter of life and death.
The interesting thing about death, is that it brings new life.
Embracing the death of things, a relationship, beliefs that no longer serve, distancing oneself from habits and lifestyle choices that dampen the soul instead of revivifying it, are all actions one must take to find the truth about what the heart and soul seeks in order to breath new life in being-ness.
Where does one start?
In solitude and stillness. These remedies cause introspection and indeed foster the kind of awareness that allows us to gather up our soul-bones in order to peer into the truth of our current reality.
Prioritizing one's desire to "know thy self" fosters authenticity and produces the kind of nourishment that allows us to keep on enduring while we get clear on the matters that need sorting in our lives. If you have ever felt that the stork dropped you into the wrong house, with the wrong parents/guardians, and therefore in the wrong environment, then perhaps you have been a stranger to yourself thinking that there was something inherently wrong with you. Know this: it is not the case.
Your path is a unique one. It is one where you need to become the maker of your own path, and by design find and/or attract the kinds of people who are too facing the discomfort that comes in knocking on the wrong doors for soul nourishment, yet who keep bumbling along to find their way to a place they can call home. A place where one can sleep at night with both eyes closed, feeling safe and secure in their environment.
The path is arduous for such people, I can attest.
My home environment was toxic and unstable and it has been my work to extricate the wounds that came from an environment that did not engender my talents and gifts, nor my hearts yearnings. It was as if my relations poured salt around my creations and at every turn, where I was told that what I loved and felt worth doing would lead to an unsuccessful end.
At an early age I was put in charge of my own path, because my caretakers did not notice me and therefore could not offer any guidance into the things that made my heart sing. And sing I did. I played musical instruments, excelled at performance and the creative arts, but unfortunately when I looked out into the audience to find my relations eyes on me, they were not there. They must have had somewhere more important to be. I noticed all the other parents with their cameras and extended relations waiting outside the auditorium to give flowers and appreciations.
Still, to this day, remembering how my relations failed me brings tears to my eyes. The silver lining is that I know better now, and for the sake of my own children's life experience, I lay witness to their breathtaking beauty and divinity, and in that I continue to heal. A bittersweet symphony.
Everyone has an experience from childhood that brings them to their knees when they recount it, yet it is not the end of the story, only the beginning of one great heroic epic tale.
My healing journey began when I dove into the field of plant medicine consciousness and learned that my gifts and talents were not limited to art and creating, but also that of healing.
I learned, saw, and felt my innate ability to hold a compassionate heart for those who needed it. Ayahuasca taught me the nature of my spirit, and as a result I found the soul-sustenance to heal myself, so that I could be of service to others, which provides me with soul-food.
My art, words, music, and talents are the accessories to my vocation. I have found in my Psychedelic Integration practice, that play is essential to allowing the healing process to occur, and although modern psychological and therapeutical practices have their place, I have found that focusing purely on mental talk therapy pales in comparison to that of finding one's soul voice and innate instinctual wildness.
What we want is to call in the wild. In order to do so, we must dissolve the sick culturally sanctioned tendency to conform, and instead break the chains that seek to diminish our natural way of being. We do this by dropping the demure, the "safe", the "normal", and instead let our hearts go wild with our truth, our keen observations, and do so with tact, and if possible, in kindness and consideration.
Being considerate does not cost you anything. We can be both honest and integral at the same time. This kind of approach asks us to contemplate our next move in a way that honors as well as teaches.
What is real cannot be threatened, so speaking your truth, while abiding in heart will let you know who will stay and who must go. There is no other way to live. To not live in this way will cause much suffering, have you abandon yourself time and time again, and have you remain stuck in environments and psychological neurosis and therefore misery for longer than is necessary.
The remedy is to change course, to let the relationships that intuitively seem one-sided and malnourishing to fall from your grasp and clinging, and to let the pain from a perceived loss to become compost for new fertile soil to spring into blossoming with time and soul-cultivation. After death, comes life - this is Spiritual Science. You can count it as fact. Try it, you will see.
Growing pains are what we are longing for when life's malaises become too much to handle. Your soul is too big for a life less lived. Modern diseases are a testament to this fact. Too much conformity, niceness, politeness, not wanting to stir the pot all result in things like war and pollution. How can we remain silent and expect to feel satisfied?
A culture/society that is based on punitive measures was surely constructed in order to keep its members stifled into submission while arrogant and greedy power parties celebrate their victories in dismantling our ability to keenly see-into matters that cost us dearly. The important thing to remember is that these measure belong to a system and systems can change when enough people are willing to say, "enough is enough".
Where is your line on enough-is-enough? Mine is drawn at the place where a system seeks to employ our young suns and daughters into fighting wars where there is no need to. This to me is the stain upon which needs to be cleansed thoroughly. No child need be given the responsibility to fight for a country, and therefore a system, that seeks to separate families for causes that are based in hate and "otherness", which is just a guise for accumulating resources at any cost.
You can say no to war. It is your birthright to fight the powers that seek to separate you from your kin. This is radical thinking in a time when we have been conditioned and programmed to believe that giving our offspring to the nation is a noble act. Nothing is farther from the truth. Your government does not love you, nor its nation, because if it did, there would be no poverty and hunger.
I seek mansions and estates equipped to house half-a-dozen families, when only there are a handful of inhabitants, while people are homeless and hungry by the thousands. How can this be in a nation as rich as ours? How is it that trillions of dollars are being spent waging foreign wars when a lot of our children go hungry? How can this fact not trouble you? What are you willing to do to change the course of our future?
Healing.
In order to hear the call of passion and purpose, one must undergo a tremendous amount of healing, coupled with the ability to welcome relationships that are nourishing and transformative, primarily relying upon the relationship with oneself and the many dimensions that have been created through past experiences.
Once the mind has been cracked open to make space for more soul, and therefore valuable lessons, the empty grip on media, substances, and trivialities will lessen to make room for more wild.
Break your own rules. Question everything. Live inside of your body and start to FEEL what brings you alive. As in the tale of the Ugly Duckling, it only knew how different it was, how unlovable, awkward, even menacing it was to its fated tribe. Ahhh, but once it saw swans flying overhead its pond, after being bullied its whole life, did it realize that there was something to notice about the feeling it had upon gazing the beauty of its own kind.
And one day, when the Ugly Duckling believed it could take no more, a group of swans rested their flight in the same waters the duckling was attempting to heal its wounds, for they recognized one of their own before the duckling was able to register this destined event.
The young swans spirit knew to hold out and hold on, so that home could find them.
Namasté Wild,
Marian xoxoxo
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