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Affection: A Humane Need

Love and affection are a fundamental human need.


If babies don’t receive love and affection, they can die. It’s that important. 

Adults mask their need for affection by busying themselves with business plans, wealth accumulation, aesthetic enhancements, jobs, and endless consumption. 

It never fills the void.


At the core of our entire existence is the need to love and be loved. 

Everything else is secondary, even if it's not consciously known. To deny this, is to be at odds with Great Spirit.


I believe that all dis-ease stems from a lack of love. 

This is what Shamanism has taught me over the years. Emotional wellbeing isn’t prioritized in schools or at work and that is unfortunate. And if you look around, people are sick and tired of their aimless goals that lead to selfish indulgences, but are driven, at their core to attract and satisfy their mate. 


Satisfaction is an inside job, until the point where you know you love yourself and want to share that love with someone special. 


If you look at the pharmaceutical companies that provide drugs to treat symptoms, you will realize that they get rich off of peoples unconscious problems. The drugs offered by big pharma never heal the cause of dis-ease, they only mask the symptoms and often create more problems with side-affects. Plant medicine on the other hand addresses the root cause of disease by illuminating our core wounds, and by supplying us with enough love and strength to correct our course - they provide a path forward with optimism. 

Our not-so-loving government doesn’t want you to know that, and that’s why these real medicines are at this time, illegal. 


Acknowledging the need to find deep fulfillment within our relations is smart.  


If you weren’t taught how to relate in a healthy way, by your caregivers, then chances are you struggle with your most intimate relationships, or perhaps even sabotage any attempts at forming deep and lasting bonds.


I can relate.


My parents rarely, if ever, showed each other, or my sister and I, any affection. I think I’ve heard my father tell me he loved me maybe twice in my life. It’s no wonder I struggled with relationships with men when it came down to intimacy. I felt unworthy. 

My most vivid memories of my parents were screaming at each other about money and my sister (she was my fathers step-daughter and he didn’t care much for her). 

It was awful. 

I even remember my mother threatening to call the police a few times when my father would throw things across the room, one time hitting her in the face with a chair. She lost her front tooth in the ordeal.


When I was 21 I was in an intimate relationship with a man who was 10 years older than me. Our relationship was passionate and volatile, to say the least. It was familiar. He had a problem with drinking and I had a problem with his wandering eye. 


One night I remember throwing my fist through a window. The memory still shocks me. 


I’m not a violent person, I just didn’t have the tools or awareness to find my calm while communicating my needs for closeness and trust. 

We broke up and he moved to Florida. At least I was only 21, but the pattern of not knowing how to deal with my feelings and emotions when things got heated followed me until I actively addressed my part of the deal. 


After we broke up I spent 5 years being single and dating, and maybe only met one or two people with whom I felt a connection with. But those connections didn’t last and didn’t go anywhere.


All I wanted was to be loved and feel closeness - I was desperately lonely. 


In 2004 I moved to the US from Canada and started a new life after my older sister invited me to live with her. 

Toronto life was extremely rat-racey and fast paced, and I craved a slower, less competitive, way of life. 

Utah provided me with just the right amount of chill.


Within a year I met a man who would become my husband in time. He pursued me with confidence, making his interest known with romantic overtures that pleased my heart and soul. 

It was easy, it was warm, it was wonderful.


And then I noticed the drinking, the red flags, but I ignored them, because the loving was so good. 

They say love is blind and that is true. My Maestra Belo says that we must focus on our beloveds strengths, not their weakness, and I agree to a degree.


We moved in together, I became pregnant, and we got married (at seven months pregnant) all within 13 months. Whoa.


In hindsight, I wanted stability and care, and I got it. I had daddy issues. 

We became parents way before we were ready, because instinct being what it is, is a natural and sometimes unconscious driver.


Nevertheless we went on with our lives and welcomed two more children into our family, making us a party of five. 


In 2019 I walked out of my house with dinner still cooking on the stove, after feeling disregarded and undervalued. 

A very common theme among tired and worn-out parents. 


After holding it all together for many years, my bubble burst and I was left with feelings I didn’t have the capacity to process. My husband was a poor communicator and often denied his own experience, or worse, drank his feelings away (which never worked and only led to more self-sabotage). We were both overwhelmed with raising kids without a village. 


A modern day horror story: The Nuclear Family System. 


Since that day I have worked diligently at trying to understand human feelings and emotions and what to do with them when they arise. It’s not so simple, but there is a strategy that works now that I know what I know. Ayahuasca and Psilocybin mushrooms helped me find clarity to a degree that’s futile to explain with words, although I try.


After years of doing the deep work, and enlisting my knowledge base to help others in their pursuit of love and understanding, I am far more equipped to deal with life’s ups and downs. I can now reach a Zen state, before responding, after years of dedication and work. The work never ends. That’s life when your focus is growth, empowerment and desire to love and be loved. 


If a person is dedicated to isolation and aloneness, then this work is unnecessary, but I’ll argue that they are in denial or depression.


Simply put, I cry when I need to, journal my feelings when I feel called to, pick up the phone to call my mother or a friend when I need advice, or get out in nature to feel relief from the grounding presence She brings, and/or sex and dance it out. 


Then the real work begins. What to do about the need to feel close when we feel so far away from our beloved? 

What do we do if there is no beloved to care for? Or who cares for us?


We focus on our needs to love and be loved. We acknowledge the desire. We accept where we’re at. We enlist help.

The Universe wants what we want, and we don’t need to be shy about getting real with what that is. 

When intentions and actions are congruent, miracles abound. 


After helping many dis-heartened people in my practice come to terms with their realities, I’ve become keenly aware for the need for community. 


The Psychedelic Love School that begins in September is just that. Community.


I’ve designed 9 weeks of deep, soulful and fun exercises and practices to elicit the courage and tenacity it takes to love well, with loads of tenderness and affection. This is your birthright!


Don’t be fooled by shiny things or temporary treasures. Love is the only essence worth living for.


Each week we will work with the Universe to make the kinds of connections that allow us to get to know ourselves, and eacother, deeply. I have condensed 9 years of wisdom into 9 weeks, so that we use and put into place that which is essential.


Classes will be offered on Zoom, and although doing things virtually isn’t my number one method, it will get the job done, AND participants will meet up for a retreat after the session is completed.


Someone may find their soul-mate in session (this doesn’t necessarily mean romantic - it can mean friendship, collaboration, etc). 


I’m working with the Universe on this project, so our success is imminent. 


Are you interested in learning more about this opportunity? 

Are you ready to say YES to life?

Are you willing to open your mind and bare your soul for destiny’s sake? 


If so, hit reply to this email and I’ll be in touch.


Namasté Sexy,

Marian xo

“Love, like life, flows through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow and say nothing.” Rumi

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